Last night my girlfriend asked, why are you so afraid of being happy?
I found the question remarkably poignant. It was something I could easily imagine myself asking somebody else who had very little to complain about, but to be on the receiving end was confronting to say the least.
If there’s one thing I want a handle on it’s the ability to allow myself to be happy when I am happy. And yet, it’s tough. Acknowledging the good and letting go of the rest is easier said than done. Humans are perplexed creatures. So often, in fear of being sabotaged by others, we sabotage ourselves first.
In most cases, this sabotage comes in the form of self-doubt. When we’re yet to find our feet, we tell ourselves that some are made for the moon and others and made for the dirt. And when we do find our feet, we tell ourselves that the rocket we ride is built for somebody else.
There comes a time however when we must realise that that voice of self-doubt and destruction is ours. And that what we tell ourselves is what we find.
As an artist, it’s important to acknowledge that this voice is never going away. But just the same way that it takes training and commitment to mold chords into a song or steps into a dance, it takes training and commitment to turn the hater in your head into a true fan of yours. And just the same way that it takes playfulness to find happiness in art, it takes playfulness to find happiness in life.
Forget all the bullshit. Forget waiting for the serendipitous moments. Be playful in every moment. Even war.